TO WHOM OF THE UNSPEAKABLES THIS MAY CONCERN THOUGH THIS REALLY ONLY CONCERNS YOU IF YOU ARE OF SOME IMPORTANCE OTHERWISE PLEASE PASS IT ON TO YOUR SUPERIOUR I WRITE TO YOU WITH THE MOST EXCITING NEWS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS SINCE YOU KNOW ALL OR ALMOST ALL ANYWAY YOU ARE AWARE OF A LOT AND THIS HAS SPARKED QUITE A STIR HERE IN THE DIMENSION OF EARTH THE MILKYWAY THE UNIVERSE UNDER WATER DOWN STREAM TO THE LEFT OF THE BUNNY ROCK THREE KNOCKS AND FIVE QUARTERS WAIT WAIT WAIT YES YOU ARE THERE THAT IS THE ONE I PRESENT TO YOU THIS CREATURE
I DO NOT KNOW WHO MADE IT OR WHAT MATERIALS WERE USED BUT THIS IS A MASTERLY CRAFTED MACHINE OF MISERY PLEASE NOTE ITS DEVOTION TO WALL MAKING BY NOW IT HAS CREATED BOUNDLESS COMMOTION BUT WITHIN BOUNDS AS WE LIKE IT YOU SHOULD ALLOW SOMEONE TO STUDY THIS THING AND I HUMBLY VOLUNTEER TO DO SO MY NAME IS TOM PERHAPS YOU HAVE HEARD OF ME I AM A VOID FISH AND AN ENGINEER I KNOW THAT SOME DO NOT THINK VERY HIGHLY OF VOID FISH BUT I AM CONFIDENT YOU WOULD MAKE NO SUCH MISTAKE AS ANY VOID FISH I AM ILLUMINATED AND ILLUMINATING AND I KNOW MACHINES I ALSO KNOW WALLS AND ROADS AND HARBOURS AND I HAVE CROSSED MANY EMBANKMENTS I ALSO KNOW THE WORKINGS OF THE MINISTRY OF HELL AND HARBOURS AND HAVE OFTEN OFFERED MY SERVICES ALAS MY CORRESPONDENCES MUST HAVE BEEN LOST BY INCOMPETENT POST WORKERS FOR I HAVE NOT HEARD BACK FROM YOU THE POST WORKERS IN THIS DIMENSION TEND TO MOVE BACK IN TIME IT TAKES FIVE DAYS TO SEND A LETTER WITHIN THE SAME COUNTRY CAN YOU BELIEVE IT NOW I WILL LEAVE YOU TO PONDER THIS FANTASTIC NEWS PLEASE CONTACT ME THROUGH THIS SAME MEDIUM I DO NOT TRUST MY GATEKEEPER TO KNOW THE PROPER DECORUM NEEDED WHEN COMMUNICATING WITH HELL ALSO SHE IS A CRIMINAL THANK YOU TOM THE VOID FISH
Anyway. Back in October I got on bus 2A from Copenhagen Central Station towards Amager in order to pick up the letters from Copenhagen Gate Services from my flat and show them to Lieke De Klomp, the actual Gatekeeper of Amagerport. Now as you may know if you travel these parts of Copenhagen, 2A goes straight past the actual guardhouse of Amagerport: a small, yellow house called ‘Ravelinen’. It is pulled a little back from the road and almost swallowed by the shadows of large trees, but you can still see it as the bus passes by.
Copenhagen is known for its walls and not least the old gates, which lent their names to the main parts of the city: there’s Østerport (Eastern Gate), Vesterport (Western Gate), Nørreport (Northern Gate), and then there’s the gate with no sense of direction at all: Amagerport (Gate of Amager). Though to be fair, this area is also at times referred to as Sønderport (Southern Gate).
As the city grew, it spilled across its walls and embankments, leaving gates and guardhouses and Gatekeepers behind
THESE WERE TERRIBLE TIMES
The names linger, but the gates are gone. Or well mostly gone.
PEOPLE ARE IGNORANT OF THE COMPLEX MULTIPLICITIES OF GATES IN TIMES OF TRANSDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL WHICH IS TO SAY IN ALL TIMES
What I mean is, you can still see some of the ruins.
Anyway. Amagerport closed in 1857, but Amager was still not considered a proper part of the city, and so people continued paying a toll to enter and leave. Instead of doing so by the gate, however, they did so at a place closer to what is today Amagerbrogade 35. I don’t live near that place at all, and I live even further away from the old guardhouse. Also, the toll stopped in 1915.
IT DID NOT
Hello and happy 2017! If you’re reading this, I guess we both made it through 2016, huh? Guess none of us were quite iconic enough to kill off, which is not a non-excellent thing at all. Of course, 2016 had to finish with a flourish and celebrate Christmas by taking the man singing Last Christmas, because that’s how monsters dance.
Anyway, it’s gone for now. Later, its decaying hand will shoot up through the ground and grab us by the ankle, but till then: let’s drink to inevitable doom!
Sorry about that.
The Danish government has decided to install a ‘ceiling’ that limits how many same-level educations people are allowed to take to one.
Tom the Void Fish is excited by the new architecture.
A CEILING ON EDUCATION IS A FASCINATING IDEA THAT I THINK WE AS GATE EXPERTS MUST STUDY IN MORE DETAIL IT SHALL BE INTERESTING TO LEARN WHETHER THIS CEILING THOUGH METAPHORICAL IN NATURE CAN WORK TO HINDER THE UNDESIRED FREE MOVEMENT OF IDEAS AND KNOWLEDGE THE FIGURATIVE NATURE OF THE CEILING MAY INDEED BE EXACTLY WHAT IS NEEDED TO BLOCK THESE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS WHICH ARE CURRENTLY THREATENING TO MANIFEST AS SKILLED AND CAPABLE P
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE THRILLED ABOUT THIS NEW INST
AT LEAST TAKE THE TIME TO ADMIRE THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF THIS FINE STRUCTURE THAT KEEPS MULTIFACETED IDEAS AND EXPERTISE AT BAY SO THAT WE MAY ALL SLEEP SOUNDLY AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT WE ARE SAFE FROM DANGEROUS THOUGHTS
In the box. Now.
IF NOT ADMIRE THEN AT THE VERY LEAST ACKNOWLE
Ever so slightly terrified. As the bus got closer to the flat, my palms became more and more sweaty.